This is for men only, so I’m going to have to ask those of you of the female persuasion to surf on to another page. Please understand, there are some things guys need to talk about just among ourselves. Yes, we’re going to talk about you, but not in a bad way. I promise. So, if you’ll excuse us… * * * Are they all gone? Good… Wait a minute. You there, ma’am. I’m going to have to ask you to stop reading this immediately. Really, this is private. Just for the men… Yes, I’ll probably use the “f” word at some point… How about if I promise I’ll tell them about putting the toilet seat down? … Thank you… * * * Okay, guys, here’s the deal. I’ve been talking to your wives and/or girlfriends. More precisely, they’ve been talking to me... and they tell me EVERYTHING. That’s right, I know all about what’s been going on. That thing that happened last week? Oh yeah. She told me about that, too. That was the last straw that got her to make an appointment with me… Well, yes, you’re right. I only heard her side of the story. I'd love to hear yours. She said you didn’t want to come with her. Is that right? ... Why not? All right, guys, hold it down. That doesn't mean he's a chicken. I'm sure there are some important reasons why he didn't want to come with her. Hear him out... Oh, I see. Makes sense to me. If I was going to get treated that way I wouldn’t want to go either. However, I’d like to point out that Dr. Phil is an entertainer, not a counselor or therapist… He really said that? Wow. He did?… No! I’d never do anything like that… and I wouldn’t know how to find your ex-wives anyway. … And you, sir, on the right… You don’t know why she came to see me? Well, what she and I talked about is confidential, but usually this happens when a woman loves the man in her life but the two of them have gotten stuck. Their relationship doesn’t feel good at the moment and they can’t agree on what to do about it. Yep, there it is. The “F” word. I said I’d get to it. The women tell me a lot of you guys don’t like talking about the “F” word… What? No! The “F” word is “Feelings”! And I’ll let you in on a little secret: it’s the illusive passage to that intimate place you secretly desire. What’s that, sir? Your lady didn’t tell you about me? Hmm. Why do you suppose she didn’t? … Absolutely not! ... Well, Tony Soprano and Dr. Melfi are fictional characters on TV. In the real world it’s grossly unethical and grounds for being kicked out of the profession forever… I meant no offense, sir. I’m sure your wife is a very attractive woman. Guys, please, nobody can hear when you heckle each other like that… … The gentleman in the back wants to say something… No, it’s not my job to decide which one of you is to blame. In fact, assigning blame is kind of the opposite of counseling. In most cases both partners contribute to whatever is or isn’t working… … Sure, I agree sex is an important part of a relationship. In fact, a couple’s sex life is often a good barometer of their relationship as a whole... No, actually, great sex is the result of a great relationship, not the cause of one… You want her to do what? … No, it doesn’t make you a pervert to want to do that. But it doesn’t mean she’s a frigid b… well… calling her frigid because she doesn’t want to won’t help her feel emotionally safe enough to encourage a more adventurous sex life… Paradoxically, one of the most powerful things we can do to help someone change is to accept them just as they are. ... I’ve been told that before, but I assure you, any resemblance between myself and Kelsey Grammer as Frasier is just a coincidence… Well, again, that’s just TV… and if you call me a “Nancy boy” one more time I’ll kick your… I do NOT drive a BMW like Frasier, and if I did, so what?... How can a car be “sissy”?... Actually, I have a Mazda RX-8 and a jacked-up four-by-four pickup truck… Yeah, it has a gun rack, but nobody puts guns in them anymore. Makes it too easy for thieves… It’s a Ford. Why?... Fine. Drive whatever you want. I’m not here to talk about that stuff. This is supposed to be about relationships and counseling. Look, just consider the following points: It's possible for your relationship – including your sex life – to continuously get better and more satisfying throughout your lives. Counselors aren’t judges. We’re consultants in creating new possibilities. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Avoiding the problem only makes it worse over time. If someone else has to change before you can be happy, you'll never be happy. If you argue for your limitations you WILL get to keep them. Going to counseling won't make you Opra-fied. You may feel some emotional pain in the process. (Just rub some dirt on it and walk it off!) Trying to avoid that pain will lead to more pain in the long run. It's not nearly as funny to women as it is to us when they fall into the toilet water because you left the seat up. Ford trucks are way better than Chevys.
Larry | 
